I had tuna salad again for lunch today. Don't judge me. It was delicious. I had another boiled egg left. And I'm stuffed. To be fair, I probably ate more than a serving though. But considering everything in it has very few calories, I'm okay with it.
I'm in a slightly better mood today. Slightly. Still frustrated. And kind of dreading my run this afternoon. I keep telling myself that getting out there and doing what I can is better than doing nothing at all. But that's hard to believe sometimes when I'm tired and exhausted and frustrated and it's 100+ degrees out. (Yeah, I know I've said before I like it hot, but I also like to not pass out from heat stroke or whatever.) However, for the first time in a very long time, I'm going to try running with someone else, which occasionally motivates me. Sometimes, if the person is faster, it just pisses me off. Which is why I tend to run alone. I'm a loner. A wolf without a wolf pack, haha. I'll be running with my good friend Michael, who has ran a half marathon(s?) before, so I'm hoping that helps. I know I could overcome soreness and knee pain while running because I've been doing that since I started running. It's the asthma that is getting in the way, and not being able to breathe is kind of hard to get past.
The worst ways to die would be drowning or suffocation (by any means: a pillow, buried alive, in a bath tub, whatever). I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe. It is absolutely terrifying. So when you're running and your heart is beating however fast it's supposed to when doing cardio and suddenly you can't catch your breath and even when you slow down you still can't breathe, and sometimes it even gets worse, it's impossible to keep moving. You have to stop. Maybe even sit. You have to let everything slow down so your lungs can catch back up.
Is it really too much to ask to be healthy? On that note, I found an article on Cracked.com which I really enjoyed (I like most of them, they are witty and informative). 5 Great Joys in Life that Healthy People Never Experience was funny, pretty true, and relatable to anyone who has had to deal with health problems most of their life. My favorite quote came at the end:
"Adversity builds character, after all. And nothing is as adverse as living your whole life with your own body as your archnemesis. If trial, suffering, and determination are the only means by which one can acquire character, then, my sickly friend, you've got character shooting out your ass."So here I am, all adverse and character-y trying to get up those hills. Perhaps I will overcome my asthma. Or at least get it under control enough to be able to run up all of those hills and keep going. Maybe I should just go back to the doctor. . . . So many unanswered questions. In the meantime I'll keep running and walking and running until I can run more than I walk. Until I can run 4 miles up and down hills like I ran 4 miles at Creve Coeur Lake last weekend. Until I can run 10 miles by September and be prepared for my race in October. I was informed that the StL half is also quite hilly.
Stupid, stupid, cruel hills.
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