Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Proceed with Caution

Am I going to go run or work out today? No. Why? Two reasons: A. My shins are hurting just walking right now, so the idea of pounding my feet on concrete and feeling 10 times more of that pain in my legs just sounds unbearable. That's my cue to rest. And maybe ice. B. As I have mentioned before, PMS is a ruthless bitch.

I have heard/read/been given advice/blah blah blah/whatever/shut the hell up that exercise is supposed to be an excellent way to reduce pains from cramps (aka feeling like your uterus and ovaries are being ripped out--guys you can just equate that to getting kicked in the balls. Yes, it hurts that bad, and we get it every single month). To whatever asshole (probably a man) suggested exercise is "the best medicine for menstrual cramps" can go crawl in a hole and die. I can assure you, that is not the case. And to the women who suck it up and go exercise anyway, more power to you. I, however, am not that strong.

The best medicine for cramps is a few ibuprofen and sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Look at it this way: You're grumpy when you don't get enough sleep and everyone hates you all day long for it because you're completely unbearable. When you're in severe pain and running on little to no sleep? Ha! Everyone hates you for a week. And they're probably researching hit men to take you out.

I have read before (and I do think this is good advice) that almost all of our problems can be solved with either a good laugh or a nap. Obviously I prefer a nap. I also think, for everyone's sake, women should get one sick day a month for this nonsense. Be sure to choose wisely in which day you take. Let's face it, you're in pain, sleep-deprived, and acting like a total bitch. You're not being nearly as productive as you are on the other 28 days of the month (or whatever it is). And no one at your office wants to deal with you (did I mention women are especially moody toward each other this time of the month because they're subconsciously competing to attract men? Yeah, I read an article on that. I don't know where it is. Just google it.).

Also, I don't know this to be a proven fact, but I find beer generally helps. Or wine. Whatever you've got. Oh, and mani/pedis. Or one or the other. Which ever you prefer. I went to get a pedicure yesterday thanks to my amazing boyfriend and it was so relaxing. I went alone--which I never do, because talking to Asians who barely speak English is awkward and intimidating--but I think I actually enjoyed it more by myself. It was much more relaxing. And the Asians keep themselves occupied by talking to each other about how gross your feet are, so you don't have to really talk to them either except to tell them what you want. How nice.

And in case you forgot, tomorrow is my birthday :) Setting my alarm for 5am to make an attempt at running. But if I'm gonna be honest here, that is probably not going to happen. No worries! I have another two-hour drive to St. Louis planned, and still no a/c, so I'll just sweat it all out while yelling at all the other morons who don't know how to drive.