Monday, August 6, 2012

Lies

As you all know, it's been a while since I've gotten my ass out there for a run. I decided to go after work. Still need to break in the new shoes. It was rough. I walked much, much more than I ran. And ended walking about 6.5 miles. So I didn't run all of that for several reasons. First, even though I took my inhaler before I left, I could not freaking breathe. It hurt to breathe. Kind of hard to run when breathing is painful. By the fourth mile or so, my feet were killing me. Specifically the bottom of my toes were blistering and the arch of my left foot was hurting. I don't know what the deal is with my left foot causing me all these problems, but it's starting to piss me off.

In spite of all that, I never stopped, except when waiting to cross the street. I kept going, and kept a pretty quick pace. It was really hard, especially toward the end. I was exhausted and my feet hurt and my lungs hurt and I just wanted to lie down. Can't say that I had much energy before/during/after this workout. I was tired before I left, but I figured since I usually have more energy/adrenaline after my runs, this would help. It did not. I seriously just wanted to sleep. I'm glad I went, and I'm glad that even though I ran maybe a mile total, I kept going for as long as I did. It was hard, but really I had no choice but to keep going. How else was I going to get home where I could take my shoes off?

I wanted to share with you guys a church sign that I saw on my run (of course if I had an iPhone I could have snapped a quick picture). I'm so proud I actually remembered what it said!  Generally I'm not a fan of church signs. Most of them are lame announcements or unoriginal quotes and whatnot. But every once in a while you come across the witty and clever one. I love those. This one was not witty or clever, but it had a pretty strong message: "The loudest lie is the one you tell yourself." I'm still thinking about it, two hours later. What it means. How it applies to my life. If you think about it, it's right. You can lie to someone else and they might not ever find out. But when you lie to yourself, it echoes constantly in your mind. And depending on what it is, other people can tell when you're lying to yourself too. Telling yourself you can't do something. That's a lie. You can. I can. I can run. If you think you can't, you're not looking at your options. You're not looking for ways to overcome your obstacles. You're just giving up. I tell myself "I can't" a little too often sometimes. Deep down, I know I can. I'm not trying hard enough. Except for today. I totally could and did 6.5 miles, even though it was walked. Tomorrow, I probably could (not can't) but my toes are blistered. If I don't rest them now, they'll be worse later.

That said, I will take tomorrow off. Give my feet/toes a little break. And maybe, somehow get my breathing under control. Obviously it won't happen overnight. But maybe if I keep trying, there will come a day where I can run more than a couple miles without having to stop because I can't breathe. Maybe someday.