Thursday, February 6, 2014

Heartbreaking, Soul-Crushing Job Search

It feels like the longer I'm unemployed and looking for a job, the more discouraged I get.

Almost two weeks ago I took an editing test for a job I applied for. The job sounded great, the company sounded great. So when I got an email saying that they'd like me to come in for an interview, I was extremely excited. My interview was Monday. I was nervous, but feeling pretty confident. During my interview, I was told that I was the only applicant to get a perfect score on the editing test.

I was ecstatic to find that out. It definitely boosted my confidence through the rest of the interview, which I thought went really, really well. I honestly thought it was the best interview I had ever done. I was confident I would get a call asking me to come in for a second interview and/or a job offer. I felt like I really got along well with my interviewers and one of them remarked several times that they felt I was very qualified for the job.

So when I got an email this morning, I held my breath, hoping and praying that it would be to ask me to come in for that second interview. Instead, it said that it was determined that my skills and experience were not a sufficient match for the position.

Needless to say, I'm heartbroken. And angry. I'm mad that I worked so hard and didn't get the job. I'm mad that getting a perfect score on an editing test and several years of editing experience wasn't enough. I'm mad that I let myself get so confident and excited about this job.

I have been busting my butt since October applying for jobs. All I have to show for it is a part-time writing job and a whole lot of rejection. It is frustrating and exhausting. It's really difficult to get out of bed every morning with nowhere to go and force myself to sit at my computer and search for jobs for a few hours every day. Almost every day of the week I comb through job after job after job trying to find something that I'm qualified for.

This whole process is discouraging, depressing, infuriating, exhausting, and many other things. I don't want to have to start looking for jobs in retail just to have a job. I don't want to get stuck in a job I don't like because I couldn't find anything else. I want the dream job. Or at least a job that's a stepping-stone to the dream job. I don't want to have to settle.

It's so hard to keep going with this job search when I get rejected almost daily. It's incredibly hard not to snap at people who say "you'll find something," "keep your head up," etc. Those things are not comforting to hear. Especially after I've been hearing them for months now. It's hard to pretend that everything is okay and I'm not constantly worried about money. It's hard to keep going with this job search every day.

It's hard, it's frustrating, heartbreaking, soul-crushing.