Joke's on Me

Ahhh, Saturday, the weekend, time for rest. Hahaha yeah right. Woke up at 6 am (78 degrees) and got my butt outside running. I lost my headband in the process, so . . . success? I did as I said I would: walked (or slowly jogged) the downhills and flat areas and ran as hard as I could up the hills. I feel like I worked hard and got a good exercise, and I was beyond exhausted those last couple hills, but I kept going, and kept running for my cool down (very light jog I should say).

After that I did some stretching and some other exercises, refilled my water bottle and went to the gas station. Got my gas ($3.09!) and got cash to go to the farmer's market. LOVED IT! Everyone was super friendly and helpful. And I had what might have been the most delicious peach in the history of peaches. Ever. Made for a magnificent breakfast. Unfortunately they didn't have all the veggies I was looking for, so I had to go to Schnuck's anyway. Also picked up my new prescription, which was supposed to be generic (so cheaper right?). Well, no. I paid more than I do for my normal meds and looked it all over when I got home and realized they gave me the wrong thing altogether, which was not generic. Wtf.

Also, no matter how many lists I make to remind myself of things I need to do/get, I always manage to leave something important off of that list. So I'll have to make another run to Target later this week for what I need. Not that I don't love Target (who doesn't?!), but it's across town, and I have no a/c in my car, so it's a little hot for all that nonsense. I gotta say, up until now, I don't think I complained too much about not having a/c. Yes, it sucked, especially driving to and from St. Louis, but it was bearable. 100+ degrees is not all that bearable though. I don't know why I even bother wearing makeup. I sweat most of it off before I even get where I need to be.

Anyhoo, back to my day . . . I met up with Kirsten and went to the pool. The water was the perfect temperature. And I don't think I burned! First time for everything. So after a couple hours of that, I decided it was time to go home, take a cool shower and get cleaned up, and maybe even squeeze in a nap before my boyfriend got here. Again, the universe laughs in my face. I was locked out of my own freaking apartment! Let me tell you, it should be impossible for that to happen. You have to lock the door with a key on your way out. So if you forget your key, the door is unlocked when you come back. Unfortunately, a brass bar across your door (the kind they use on hotel room doors) does not care whether you have a key or not! Because we have to practically slam our door to get it to lock in the first place, apparently when I did that on my way out again, the brass bar slammed along with it, locking me out.

So I sat for about 20 minutes in this heat waiting for my landlords to show up and get me in. After trying a few different methods, nothing was working. So my landlord just sawed the thing off. His wife said they would replace it later this week. Why on earth would I want them to replace the thing that just locked me out of my apartment?! I swear they don't think sometimes.

Now I have showered (thankfully) cleaned up the apartment, and am debating a nap while waiting for Chris to get here. And I am not so patiently awaiting dinner . . . Bella Italia = the best Italian restaurant I've ever had. Can not wait for dinner. Oh and I'm pretty excited about strawberry mimosas in the morning with breakfast :)

Stay Excellent!

-A

Cheers to the Weekend!

Ahh much better mood today. Helps a lot that it's Friday! I feel much less guilty for effing up my diet. I had quite a few friends comment who were very supportive, including Adam . . . guess he's not so bad after all :) And I had a nice email from my Momma this morning as well. Honestly, I just don't think this whole 30-day diet thing is really for me. But, with the research I did before starting, I learned a lot, and I found a ton of websites with some really good, healthy recipes that I want to try. So I'm not giving it all up completely. It's not like I'm going to just eat at places like McD's all day every day. I definitely plan to keep most of my meals healthy and eat lots of fruits and vegetables. But there's nothing wrong with chocolate now and then. Or a sandwich.

I'm starting grad school this fall, so on Mondays and Wednesdays, I'll be working from 8-5 and then I have class both nights from 6-8:50 pm. So that's a really, really long day, and I'm going to need meals that are easy to take with me. Sandwiches are definitely on that list. And stuff like pasta. Stuff that's easy to make when I get home after class if I didn't have time for dinner.

As you might have guessed, I did not wake up this morning for a run. Partly because I was exhausted and partly because my phone is a ginormous p.o.s and wouldn't charge, let alone let me change my alarm. I'm lucky my usual alarm went off this morning. So I may attempt a run after work . . . maybe down by the river where it's cooler. Otherwise I don't know when I'll go today. I went to bed between 10:30 and 11 last night and it was 88 degrees. And I won't run that late. I will be getting up early for the farmer's market on Saturday, so I will go run either before or after that.

And then my boyfriend is coming for a visit! I'm super excited. We were planning on going to the pool on Sunday but with as hot as it's going to be, it might be way too crowded. And Lord knows the last thing I want is to be surrounded by a bunch of screaming, wet, dirty children in 100 degree weather. No thanks. So he suggested water balloons. Of course, that sounds fun, but I told him I don't have a hose. To which he replied, "You have a sink, darling." Oh yeah. Ha. I think this heat is frying my brain cells . . .

Happy Friday everyone!

-A

Day 11: Failure

Let me preface this by saying that my good friend Adam is evil. He was taunting me about all the delicious cereal he was eating. Pure evil. So after all his torture I went across the street to get the mail. Once I made it across the street I had decided I wouldn't be running after work. The heat did not bother me, but I couldn't breathe. Suffocating. Also, my mom had texted me early in the morning telling me not to, and I didn't want to listen to any "I told you so" or griping because I landed myself in the hospital from heat stroke or whatever. So I did not run.

While I was getting the mail, I stopped by the vending machine and bought a Snickers. FAIL. But it was the most incredible Snickers I've ever tasted. Unfortunately, I didn't stop there. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. My dinner was chilli cheese fries. That's it. MAJOR MAJOR FAIL. So now I don't know what to do. Do I go on with the diet anyway even though I already screwed it up? And will probably screw it all up again during my birthday. Part of me wants to keep going with it anyway and just add on a few extra days. Part of me wants to say the hell with this diet and eat mostly healthy, but eat what I want too.

What a dilemma. Most of what was keeping me going with this diet was the fact that I was writing about it every day. And now that I've screwed it up, I feel like it's pointless now. Obviously if I don't stick with this for the full 30 days (which I already haven't), I'm still going to eat healthy food. I actually enjoy eating fruits and vegetables. And I still want to try making foods with cauliflower and I want to try sweet potato fries. But maybe I can have carbs again too, except maybe in smaller amounts than I previously ate them.

Honestly, I do feel horrible about what I ate today and I feel like a failure and a quitter. And not even for what I ate. Because I enjoyed every last bite of it. I'm just disappointed that I couldn't stick it out for 30 days. I didn't even make it half way. And I feel like I've let everyone else down, too. Blah.

Goodnight All,

-A

It's All About Balance

I boiled more eggs last night. WAY better than my first attempt. Probably either need to adjust the temp just a little bit or cook them for a few minutes less. The egg I had this morning had just two little brown spots, but I think it's from the egg touching the sides of the muffin tin while it's cooking. I just trimmed off those two spots and ate the rest. So good.

It's supposed to be another stifling hot day out there today. As of now, it's only 75, compared to 85 for all my poor friends in StL. We are supposed to hit 106 by 3pm today. Am I still going to attempt to run? Probably. Although with the heat, I probably shouldn't be too hard on myself if I do as poorly as I have been. There are a lot of things I haven't been factoring into my sucky runs. One of them being heat. Another would be the insanely high pollen counts for the past few weeks. I am allergic to pollen, so that could be a strong contributor to my inability to breathe while I'm trying to run. So maybe it isn't just my asthma.

As far as my food situation goes, well I'm pretty stocked up on protein. I have zero fruits and veggies though. But I'll be going to the farmer's market Saturday morning, so hopefully I find some good stuff. I need strawberries (making strawberry mimosas to have with breakfast Sunday morning . . . yum!), I'd like some peaches or nectarines . . . something along those lines, definitely some grapes and bananas. I also want broccoli, cauliflower (so I can try to make pizza, or mashed potatoes), cucumbers, zucchini, lettuce, asparagus, and I don't know what else. But I doubt I can afford all that. So we'll see what I end up with.

As you all know, the Fourth of July is next week and it is my most favorite holiday. Who doesn't love barbeque, beer, and fireworks?! A week after that is my birthday, and those festivities will probably go through the weekend. That's a lot of drinking, which I am making exceptions for (I promise I don't normally drink that much). But living in a college town makes it difficult to not drink. After all, we have a favorite bar (I don't remember the last time we went anywhere else). We love our bartenders at that bar. We generally enjoy the company of the other customers . . . generally. And up until this week, we were going there at least twice a week. Which was never really a problem because I don't have a lot of money, so I'd drink enough for my tab (about 2-3 beers) and I'd be done. Sometimes it's hard not to drink more though, especially when I'm not the one driving.

But it's important to find a balance, especially if you're trying to lead a healthy lifestyle/lose weight/whatever. As I was reading through some of the blogs I follow, I came across Mama Laughlin's latest post. She's incredible, has lost a ton of weight and looks fabulous. And she hasn't given up alcohol . . . My Hero. So today she has posted How to be an Alcoholic and Still Lose Weight. She's got some great tips (and some yummy drink recipes I'll have to try . . . and I'm also really jealous of her Tervis Tumbler!). And she's hilarious. Most of the blogs I follow are funny. I like funny people. Anyway, as she says, it's all about balance. If you know you're going to go out and drink Friday night, eat light and really healthy during the day Friday, saving your calories for your drinks that night.

So my dilemma is: It's my birthday, and I'm celebrating almost all week. Am I going to "save my calories"? Well, to be completely honest, probably not. Because, well, it's my birthday and I'll do what I want. I don't want to completely trash my diet though, so obviously I'm going to stick with what I've been eating. But I'm also not gonna hold back on drinking what I want either. Shots of Patron anyone? :)

I Want to Eat Everything

My run did not go as planned this afternoon. It never does. Walked more than I should have. I also have a ridiculously huge blister on the back of my ankle so that's pretty painful. I also find it odd that I would still get blisters like this from my shoes since I've had them for months. Yuck.

I have a game plan for tomorrow though. I'm going to run one of my usual, extremely hilly routes and I'm going to run my hardest up the hills and walk down hill. Maybe it's not the best approach. But I figure if I can push myself to run up every hill, when it comes time to run up and down and everything in between, it should at least be easier. I think if it goes semi-well tomorrow, I'm going to start doing that at least once a week. And I have plenty of hills to choose from. I am completely surrounded by them.

In other news, this diet keeps getting harder and harder. I'm craving just about everything. I'm afraid I'm going to give in and binge on whatever is in sight. Or that I'll make it to the end of the 30 days and binge then. And I do mean everything. Fast food, pasta, bread/sandwiches, chocolate, candy, pizza, and anything else you can think of. I just want any and everything that's bad for me. Or good stuff mixed with not-so-good stuff. Like having biscuits with a meal. I think maybe I have pushed myself too far by trying to do a hardcore diet and train for a half marathon.

Obviously you can't train well by eating badly, but I also don't think I can eat healthy without eating a few bad things eventually. So assuming I survive the next 20 days, I think I'll stick to eating primarily healthy foods and mix in a few deliciously bad things now and then. I probably shouldn't make decisions like this without finishing out the 30 days first, but I already hate this. AND I MISS BREAD!!!! Giving up carbs is quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. Oh, and I was looking at the nutritional facts on my gum, ya know because it's gum so it can't have a whole lot in it. Well my gum has 1g carb. Really? I know it's just one, but that kind of annoyed me when I saw it. Probably something I should just laugh about and shrug it off, but damn that's irritating. Am I going to stop chewing that gum? No. I'm not that mad.

It's after 7 and it's still over 90 degrees and I want soup for dinner. There may be something wrong with me. I've got AC though, so it's cool, haha.

Happy Wednesday everyone! The weekend's almost here!!

-A

10 down (almost), 20 to go

Happy lunchtime everyone :)

I had tuna salad again for lunch today. Don't judge me. It was delicious. I had another boiled egg left. And I'm stuffed. To be fair, I probably ate more than a serving though. But considering everything in it has very few calories, I'm okay with it.

I'm in a slightly better mood today. Slightly. Still frustrated. And kind of dreading my run this afternoon. I keep telling myself that getting out there and doing what I can is better than doing nothing at all. But that's hard to believe sometimes when I'm tired and exhausted and frustrated and it's 100+ degrees out. (Yeah, I know I've said before I like it hot, but I also like to not pass out from heat stroke or whatever.) However, for the first time in a very long time, I'm going to try running with someone else, which occasionally motivates me. Sometimes, if the person is faster, it just pisses me off. Which is why I tend to run alone. I'm a loner. A wolf without a wolf pack, haha. I'll be running with my good friend Michael, who has ran a half marathon(s?) before, so I'm hoping that helps. I know I could overcome soreness and knee pain while running because I've been doing that since I started running. It's the asthma that is getting in the way, and not being able to breathe is kind of hard to get past.

The worst ways to die would be drowning or suffocation (by any means: a pillow, buried alive, in a bath tub, whatever). I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe. It is absolutely terrifying. So when you're running and your heart is beating however fast it's supposed to when doing cardio and suddenly you can't catch your breath and even when you slow down you still can't breathe, and sometimes it even gets worse, it's impossible to keep moving. You have to stop. Maybe even sit. You have to let everything slow down so your lungs can catch back up.

Is it really too much to ask to be healthy?  On that note, I found an article on Cracked.com which I really enjoyed (I like most of them, they are witty and informative).  5 Great Joys in Life that Healthy People Never Experience was funny, pretty true, and relatable to anyone who has had to deal with health problems most of their life. My favorite quote came at the end:

"Adversity builds character, after all. And nothing is as adverse as living your whole life with your own body as your archnemesis. If trial, suffering, and determination are the only means by which one can acquire character, then, my sickly friend, you've got character shooting out your ass."

So here I am, all adverse and character-y trying to get up those hills. Perhaps I will overcome my asthma. Or at least get it under control enough to be able to run up all of those hills and keep going. Maybe I should just go back to the doctor. . . . So many unanswered questions. In the meantime I'll keep running and walking and running until I can run more than I walk. Until I can run 4 miles up and down hills like I ran 4 miles at Creve Coeur Lake last weekend. Until I can run 10 miles by September and be prepared for my race in October. I was informed that the StL half is also quite hilly. 

Stupid, stupid, cruel hills. 

Day 9: This Sucks

I successfully "boiled" eggs in the oven! And by successfully, I mean I overcooked them a tiny bit. But they were edible, delicious, and much better than undercooked eggs. I put one in my tuna salad for dinner and it was so good! And I have two left for breakfast this week. Technically I have several left. I just didn't cook them, just in case I ruined them.

That's basically the highlight of my day. My run sucked. And I'm sick of it all. I can't run over two miles down here to save my freaking life. In fact, it might be killing me. I HATE HILLS. I got in one good hill and I had to stop on the next hill. I could not breathe. It was awful. And infuriating. After running four miles on Saturday, it's pretty disheartening to come back down here and not be able to run 2 miles. It's unfair.

And as for this diet thing . . . IT BLOWS. Generally I crave bread and pasta. Now all I want is sweets. I have Cinnamon Toast Crunch just calling my name. And I could totally go for a York Peppermint Patty. Or a Snickers. Or just a freaking peanut butter and jelly sandwich. UGH. And I want pizza. And cheesy garlic bread (I do have recipes for "paleo" garlic bread...but it's just not the same). I just miss eating whatever I want whenever I want. I also feel like I'm in worse shape since I started this diet. The only difference I've seen is my legs are more toned and that's probably from running and not from the diet.

I don't know how I'm supposed to judge my progress when I can run four miles on flatter ground but can barely run two miles with hills. I'm beyond frustrated. I'm just holding on to my minor success of oven-boiled eggs.